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Scenes of city life.

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Hello, my name is Tanyaradzwa.

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I was born in Masvingo. I'm 23 years old.

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Mbuya ["grandma"] Nehanda,

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Nehanda was a spiritual medium.

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She knew there were people
"without knees" coming

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before the whites came.

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She even told the people

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that there were white people coming.

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In Shona they call them
"vasina mabvi" ("without knees").

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But she told them not to harm them.

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When the white people arrived

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the blacks fought with them
and took them to Nehanda.

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But she said: "Let them free
until we know what they are up to

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and the reason why they came here."

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But as time went by, the whites
started abusing the blacks,

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taking their cattle, goods, everything;

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taking the fertile lands and
giving the black sandy soil.

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So the people were not
happy with the situation,

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not less Nehanda.

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The whites knew the
black people had power.

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They knew we could fight a spiritual war.

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We had the power to talk to God.

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They knew the only way
for them to conquer us

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was by killing Nehanda and Kaguvi.

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If Nehanda didn't want them to kill her

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they wouldn't be able to kill her.

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But she said that her spirit would rise again.

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She said: "They can kill me now,
but my spirit shall rise again."

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They took Sekuru Kaguvi
and Mbuya Nehanda

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and hanged them.

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The tree where they hanged
them is here in Harare,

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but I don't know whether
that is the real tree.

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People don't care about the tree anymore

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although we talk about
Nehanda and Kaguvi all the time.

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People know these are our
spiritual mediums that protect us.

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They just say: "This is the tree",
but do nothing about it.

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They don't look after it.

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The whites took Nehanda's
and Kaguvi's heads

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and sent them to Britain.

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The whites were doing the
same in other parts of Africa.

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Whenever they met a spiritual leader,

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they would kill them
and remove their heads.

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What I know is that Nehanda is still alive

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because the flesh dies
but the spirit will live forever.

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This woman was very strong.

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If she didn't have the power

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she wouldn't have known
the whites were coming.

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As she said, I know that
her spirit will rise again, somewhere,

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in another person.

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I know she's looking after us right now.

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We'll always remember her,
she's our spiritual leader.

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And also Sekuru Kaguvi. That's why
we talk about them all the time,

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and we learn about them,

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and we teach the young about them.

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They are the spiritual mediums
that protect our country, Zimbabwe.

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Knowing yourself, trusting yourself,
to know who you are,

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can make you be what you wanna be,

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because you won't be running away from
yourself, you won't be denying yourself.

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Me, I can be whatever I wanna be.

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I can be wherever I wanna be.

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Anything that I wanna be.

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So if I can be wherever I wanna be
and whatever I wanna be,

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what can stop you?

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I don't get education,
but I've got inspiration.

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I know the pain of the flesh

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and I know the pain of the soul.

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The police are coming to us.

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It's not easy to live on the streets,

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because you face many many things.

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Waking up in the morning

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not even knowing what to eat

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or where to go to look for money, just to beg.

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It would be more painful if you've got parents,

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that though they're alive,
they don't even care for you.

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For me life on the street was really hard.

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The first time I came to Harare

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I didn't know where to go, where to start.

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The moment when you start looking for
a place to stay, in the evening,

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every street kid would be having
his or her own base where to sleep.

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I didn't have any place to stay.

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I remember my first day in Harare.

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It was around 12 at night, I was so hungry,

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not even knowing where to sleep.

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There were some cardboards in a corner.
I covered myself with them and slept.

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Around 2 it was just a kick: "You, wake up,
what are you doing in my base?"

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I started crying. I was surrounded
by street kids,

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dirty, smelling of glue and beer.

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Being a girl, I was so scared they
would rape me or do something

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or maybe take my clothes.

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I woke up, started crying and explained
to them I had nowhere to go

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and that I just wanted to be with them.

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Some first understood, some didn't.

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They allowed me to sleep there together.

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In the morning they told me:
"Are you prepared to be on the street?"

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Because I had better clothes than them.

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I was looking good,
and they were so surprised.

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"A girl like you coming to live on the street?"

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I told them all my problems,
then they understood.

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Then we went together,
every morning, to beg.

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I never stole. My other friends were stealing,

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taking cell phones, handbags, beating people,
especially at night, but not me.

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After 3 days there was another girl.
It was now 2 girls and about 6 boys.

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We were helping each other, because for me
to look for money at that time

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wasn't easy because I wasn'nt used to do it
I didn't know how to do it.

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I was even shy to beg for money,
to be on the street.

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So they would come with food,
even food from the bin,

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eating dirty food, rotten food...

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But I never felt sick, never felt ill.

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I stayed with them for about 6 months.

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Because of the love of music and arts,
I was always singing, even in the street.

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Then I met these other guys, older than me,
that were staying in the street, also.

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They told me about a place called Book Café:

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"There would be entertainment there, we can
go one day to see what's going on there."

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I told them I didn't have a place to stay,

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and they took me to their base.
It was not a house. It's called Harare Gardens.

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That's where people used to sell their art
before the "Clean Up Campaign",

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and now it's only for theatre or
big exhibitions like HIFA.

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We went to Book Café, one evening.
It was my first time.

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Chiwoniso was playing mbira.
I fell in love with the music.

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Then at night we went to Harare Gardens.
To get inside the gate you need to pay,

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but only a little amount, because the
security guards were understanding.

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You pay the money just for getting
inside. There's a fence.

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Then you have to pay another money to get
inside where people do the theatre.

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There's only the tent on top. On the sides
there's nothing. Only the shelter.

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So you sleep there, on the benches, the
whole night. Mosquitoes. Cold.

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The guards would wake us up early,
around 5 in the morning,

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so that no one would see that we slept there.

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After waking up, we'd look for the sun

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and we'd wash in a public toilet, there.

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We'd look for soap to wash our clothes

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and we'd find a place where to dry them,
but a place which cannot be seen, because

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they wouldn't allow us to use the water. They
wanted us to pay for it, though it was public.

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They said it was only to wash
your hands, not your clothes.

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So we'd find a place to hang them
so they would get dry.

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Then we'd spend the whole day together,
some of them drinking.

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Me, I was just thinking of music
and my arts, because I could crochet.

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I could make dresses, hats...

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I told one of the elder guys that
I wish I could find a little money so

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I could make things to sell.

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Because in this life you end up
going into the clubs.

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You know: We went to the Book Café and
some other guys talked to my friends:

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"I like this girl, how much shall I give her?"

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For me it was difficult. The other guys
really wanted me to do it:

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"You use condoms.
There's nothing to worry about."

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"It's about getting money.
Things are very difficult."

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"If he sleeps with you,
he may love you and marry you..."

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At that time I was so scared of men. I didn't
want to be involved in a relationship.

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I managed to find the money
to start crocheting.

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The first day I made about 3 hats,
and sold them. I was so happy.

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I managed to find more material

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and I kept doing and doing
until my money was stolen.

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So we started again hustling.

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The other kids are out there, not knowing
their father nor their mother.

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But they are still living.
What matters is life.

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Jah has got his own reasons why I'm here.

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I don't live for my parents, I don't live
for anybody: I live for myself.

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So I've got to find my own destiny.

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You know what life in the street is like .

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Drinking, smoking, taking
"histalux" and glue...

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And clubbing. Because they won't
allow us to go to other places.

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They won't allow us to go with no money.

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That day we were all drunk and
went to this club called Tube,

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full of shit, they can fuck there...
Just another place.

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I was with my friends, 4 guys and 3 girls.

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We were enjoying ourselves, when
other guys came, big guys, older than us.

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They wanted ME. Because I used to wear
short things, shorts and a top.

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I was looking good. He wanted me.

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My friends said: "No. We are not bitches,
we just came here to enjoy ourselves.

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We are from the streets.
We don't even have a place to stay."

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—"You can come to our place.
I'm going to have you." —"No, you can't."

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There was a fight. He broke the bottle
of beer he was drinking

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and cut my friend, who was trying to protect
me. He said he was going to give me

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scars for life,
for refusing to go with him.

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In the fight he cut my friend here.

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I was trying to defend myself. I just couldn't
let him do whatever he wanted with me.

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That's when he cut me here,

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there and there.

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Just defending myself.
Because he was moving the glass...

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These are real deep cuts.

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I think the deepest of them is this one.

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If you can see it, even the flesh on top
is different from the others'.

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It was very deep.
I could put my finger inside.

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It was really painful.

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But there's nothing I can change.
I've got scars and I love them.

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As for now I don't even have an ID;
People can identify me from my scars.

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If I die on the street,
my friends can identify my scars.

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So, that's my identity.

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The first time my father called me

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I was 11 years old.

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My mother was in South Africa at that time.

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He was sleeping in the bedroom.
then he called me in the morning,

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around 8.

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And he said: "There's something on my back.
Can you check it? I can't see it."

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Just because my father was
a loving and caring father,

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and he showed us love, and when my mother
wasn't around he looked after us,

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I thought: "Let's see what's happening."

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My young sister and my young brother
entered the bedroom,

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and my father shouted at them: "Go out!
Can't I talk to your sister

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without you people around? Go out and play."

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They went out. They didn't know
what was going to happen.

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I tried to check. I told him
there's nothing dirty.

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He said: "There is. Put your hand", and he
touched my hand and put it there.

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Then he was touching me. Then I removed
my hand and went out.

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He followed me. He apologized.
He said: "I'm sorry.

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And don't tell anyone about this.
It's only that I'm drunk.

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Promise me you won't tell anyone".
I said: "I won't".

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Then we spent about 2 hours together,
we had breakfast together;

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he went to work, and I went to see
my mother's best friend.

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Then I told her, but I
told her not to tell anyone.

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When my mother came, I told her.

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But the day I went to tell my mother's
friend, my father just left money

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and he went off 4 days. He came when my
mother was coming back from South Africa.

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He came evening,
and my mother arrived afternoon.

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I told her, and she waited for him.

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He asked him. First he refused.

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The she said: "I'm going to the police.

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Our child is only 11, and she could not lie."

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My mother was crying: "How could you do
such a thing to your own daughter?"

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Then my father apologized. He said:
"I won't do it again.

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I don't know what happened." Then
my mother went to talk to

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his father, my grandpa. He didn't want to hear
about it. He didn't even want to see her.

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And the reason is because he wanted
to sleep with my mother.

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It was in the rural area.
My auntie had told my mum:

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"You have to go to the fields. (I was around 4).
Go and get some pumpkin leaves"

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My mum, just because she was an in-law,
couldn't refuse. She went there.

227
01:07:23,751 --> 01:07:30,918
And my aunt... I've got another name. It's my
aunt's name, an English name, "Ellen".

228
01:07:31,250 --> 01:07:34,001
I don't use it, though. I don't like it.

229
01:07:34,751 --> 01:07:41,834
My aunt also went to the field,
but my grandpa didn't know it.

230
01:07:42,334 --> 01:07:49,667
My mother told me: My grandpa wanted
to rape my mum, but she ran away.

231
01:07:49,918 --> 01:07:56,000
But my aunt saw everything.
When my mum went home

232
01:07:56,417 --> 01:08:03,001
she didn't tell anyone. But my aunt asked her:
"What was he trying to do to you?"

233
01:08:10,417 --> 01:08:19,083
That same night, my grandpa chased my
mum away, with nothing, only with us.

234
01:08:21,501 --> 01:08:28,584
My mother went to where my father was
working. But there was nothing he could do.

235
01:08:33,918 --> 01:08:37,751
That's why he hated my mum so much.

236
01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:47,000
I was young, but I remember
that my grandpa told my father,

237
01:08:47,167 --> 01:08:52,250
in front of me: "You don't deserve
being with this woman."

238
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:56,001
Because he wanted her, also.

239
01:08:56,918 --> 01:09:01,918
When my father got another woman,
a bitch, she was fat,

240
01:09:03,751 --> 01:09:08,001
my grandpa slept with that woman,

241
01:09:08,751 --> 01:09:13,334
and they've got a baby together.
But she was my father's woman.

242
01:09:14,167 --> 01:09:19,334
So my mum had to suffer just because
she didn't want to sleep with him.

243
01:09:19,834 --> 01:09:24,667
And also my mother told me that
my aunt and uncle slept together.

244
01:09:24,751 --> 01:09:28,250
It's just a family thing.

245
01:09:28,667 --> 01:09:34,001
My mum was the first daughter-in-law,
because my father is the first born.

246
01:09:34,918 --> 01:09:37,667
She saw a lot of things.
That's the reason why,

247
01:09:38,167 --> 01:09:42,000
when my father left, she never went back.

248
01:09:42,501 --> 01:09:48,667
"Better staying alone. Those people could kill
me, or end up sleeping with my daughters."

249
01:09:48,918 --> 01:09:51,584
That's what she said.

250
01:09:55,001 --> 01:09:58,834
So my grandpa didn't want to hear
my mother when she was telling him

251
01:09:59,501 --> 01:10:05,584
about my father trying to caress me.

252
01:10:09,584 --> 01:10:13,834
After about a year

253
01:10:15,334 --> 01:10:19,417
my father just packed his things.

254
01:10:20,751 --> 01:10:23,834
He took clothes and a radio.

255
01:10:26,584 --> 01:10:32,250
It was better for us.
I was really good at school,

256
01:10:32,501 --> 01:10:34,501
I was one of the best.

257
01:10:34,918 --> 01:10:38,751
But seeing your parents
fighting every day, in the street...

258
01:10:38,918 --> 01:10:41,584
Now we were staying in the "ghetto",
no longer in the camp.

259
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:47,501
They even told my father he
couldn't be in the camp because

260
01:10:48,001 --> 01:10:53,334
he was always fighting with the wife.
So they put him outside.

261
01:10:53,834 --> 01:10:57,167
But in the "ghetto"...,
you know life in the "ghetto".

262
01:10:57,834 --> 01:11:01,501
It wasn't good. Every day there
would be crying and screaming.

263
01:11:02,417 --> 01:11:07,417
It wasn't nice. It even affected my education.
I didn't want to go to school any more

264
01:11:07,834 --> 01:11:14,834
'cause every one would be talking about me:
"Her parents are always fighting".

265
01:11:15,167 --> 01:11:19,918
"And the father is a police officer.
How can he do this."

266
01:11:20,334 --> 01:11:26,501
I ended up not wanting to go to school.
It was affecting my work at school.

267
01:11:31,334 --> 01:11:36,417
So my father left us. My mother
couldn't afford to pay the rent.

268
01:11:36,751 --> 01:11:39,667
So she looked for a place to stay.

269
01:11:40,501 --> 01:11:46,001
Before that, the evening that
my father left, he came and took us

270
01:11:47,501 --> 01:11:53,001
to his parents' house. My grandpa said:

271
01:11:53,417 --> 01:11:57,501
"You have to choose
who you want to stay with.

272
01:11:57,751 --> 01:12:00,667
If you want to stay with your
mother, you go with her.

273
01:12:00,834 --> 01:12:04,083
If you want to stay with your
father, you stay here."

274
01:12:04,501 --> 01:12:09,667
But you know, every child
will always say "with mama".

275
01:12:10,001 --> 01:12:13,250
You want to be with your mother,
no matter what.

276
01:12:14,001 --> 01:12:17,000
So we all chose to be with our mother.

277
01:12:18,083 --> 01:12:22,834
Ah, I'll never forget that night,
the way we were treated: thrown out.

278
01:12:25,584 --> 01:12:30,001
My grandpa took a spear. He wanted to kill us.

279
01:12:30,501 --> 01:12:33,501
"How could you choose to go with
a witch, with a prostitute?"

280
01:12:33,584 --> 01:12:38,667
But we were young: I was 12
and my brother and sister were 10.

281
01:12:40,584 --> 01:12:47,250
And we knew what happened at home: every
time my dad was drunk, he beat up my mum.

282
01:12:47,667 --> 01:12:52,334
Every time he was drunk or found another
woman, there'd be no peace.

283
01:12:53,083 --> 01:12:59,083
We knew about it. So we wanted to be with
our mother, though she wasn't working.

284
01:12:59,751 --> 01:13:10,000
We were thrown out. My grandpa brought the spear:
"Though they are my son's children, I'll kill 'em.

285
01:13:10,501 --> 01:13:13,918
How could they choose
to be with this woman?"

286
01:13:15,167 --> 01:13:19,417
Then he beat my mother up, in front of me.

287
01:13:21,167 --> 01:13:26,834
Touching her, pressing her breasts.
I thought she was going to die.

288
01:13:27,167 --> 01:13:34,001
We screamed and cried.
Even our uncles beat us up

289
01:13:34,250 --> 01:13:36,751
so that we wouldn't cry.

290
01:13:37,250 --> 01:13:40,667
The neighbours heard it and called the police.

291
01:13:41,834 --> 01:13:45,000
The police came and they paid a fine.

292
01:13:45,417 --> 01:13:51,250
But as my father was also a police officer...
There's no justice.

293
01:13:54,334 --> 01:14:00,417
And we went back home.

294
01:14:02,918 --> 01:14:05,918
And the following day my mum was
looking for a place to stay.

295
01:14:06,083 --> 01:14:09,167
She found a room,
and there we went together.

296
01:14:09,918 --> 01:14:13,667
It was really hard. My mother wasn't working.

297
01:14:14,834 --> 01:14:21,584
For her to pay food, clothes, fees and
everything was really very hard.

298
01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:28,083
She started going clubbing.
Ah, it was something else.

299
01:14:29,001 --> 01:14:35,501
I could understand it, but for my brother
and sister it was something else.

300
01:14:37,751 --> 01:14:41,584
My mother said: "I can't take
care of you any more.

301
01:14:42,167 --> 01:14:47,417
You have to go back and tell your father you
don't want to stay with mama any more."

302
01:14:50,584 --> 01:14:56,001
Me, I didn't want. I refused.
I told her I wouldn't go there.

303
01:18:01,417 --> 01:18:05,417
We decide to visit the Todinis.

304
01:36:56,417 --> 01:36:58,584
It's so surprising.

305
01:37:02,167 --> 01:37:05,667
Those people didn't even say
sorry about my mother.

306
01:37:13,918 --> 01:37:22,417
They're so... Ah, pretending they love me, but
we haven't seen each other for more than...

307
01:37:24,834 --> 01:37:31,001
I don't know... I love them, but...
I didn't like their welcoming.

308
01:37:31,250 --> 01:37:34,250
It was nice, but...
I wasn't expecting that.

309
01:37:34,417 --> 01:37:38,083
I wasn't expecting to be loved so quickly.

310
01:37:39,584 --> 01:37:42,501
It left me suspicious.

311
01:37:47,501 --> 01:37:49,001
And them...

312
01:37:50,584 --> 01:37:52,918
They'd be around, but not

313
01:37:55,167 --> 01:37:57,584
being there for you.

314
01:37:58,751 --> 01:38:02,001
No communication, no what.

315
01:38:02,501 --> 01:38:06,167
I knocked on the door,
they hugged me and kissed me

316
01:38:06,584 --> 01:38:09,250
and treated me as if I am a queen. No,

317
01:38:09,417 --> 01:38:11,667
I don't want to be treated that way.

318
01:38:14,501 --> 01:38:16,751
I don't like people who pretend.

319
01:38:17,334 --> 01:38:22,001
Me, I talk conscious. I give thanks to Jah
because I can read people's minds.

320
01:38:27,167 --> 01:38:30,001
I look at people, I stare at people,

321
01:38:32,417 --> 01:38:35,834
because man is very dangerous.

322
01:38:36,334 --> 01:38:38,501
You have to know the person.

323
01:38:40,250 --> 01:38:43,584
You have to know how
to read his or her mind.

324
01:48:31,584 --> 01:48:34,501
We want to eat but there's no electricity.

325
01:50:47,250 --> 01:50:51,751
No water, no electricity. Zimbabwe life.

326
01:53:29,083 --> 01:53:33,083
Patience has just
broken her engagement.

327
02:03:23,083 --> 02:03:25,667
Hello, my name's Tanya

328
02:03:25,918 --> 02:03:28,417
and I was born in Masvingo

329
02:03:28,584 --> 02:03:31,000
23 years ago.

330
02:03:33,417 --> 02:03:34,918
I love you.

331
02:03:38,250 --> 02:03:43,250
This other day he came.
My mother was going clubbing,

332
02:03:45,167 --> 02:03:49,000
just trying to survive. I don't blame her.

333
02:03:52,751 --> 02:03:59,334
When my father came with my mother,

334
02:04:00,751 --> 02:04:06,001
he told me I had to come the following day.
He wanted to buy me clothes.

335
02:04:06,834 --> 02:04:12,501
I was surprised. He also wanted
to give me money to buy food.

336
02:04:13,001 --> 02:04:19,167
I woke up early in the morning. Before
going I phoned him: "Dad, I'm coming".

337
02:04:19,834 --> 02:04:24,001
He said: "Now you can't come. You have to
come later." And another thing:

338
02:04:25,001 --> 02:04:28,584
"Handina mwana anobvongonzwa
nevamwe varume ndisipo!"

339
02:04:31,000 --> 02:04:36,918
It's like: "I can't let other men touch you,
or sleep with you, whilst I'm around."

340
02:04:37,584 --> 02:04:44,083
First I couldn't understand it.
I was young and it's deep Shona.

341
02:04:44,501 --> 02:04:47,167
I didn't even tell my mum.
Then I went back home.

342
02:04:47,417 --> 02:04:51,667
I phoned again, around 4.
He said: "Now you can come."

343
02:04:52,083 --> 02:04:56,918
When I went there, he ordered
food for me. I ate my supper.

344
02:04:58,001 --> 02:05:03,334
Then, around 6, he called me inside,
pretending to count some money.

345
02:05:04,000 --> 02:05:11,000
I was sitting on a chair. He said: "I bought
this perfume for you. Do you like it?"

346
02:05:11,417 --> 02:05:15,834
He wanted to spray me,
and he touched me here.

347
02:05:16,167 --> 02:05:19,417
"I'll just use it at home."

348
02:05:23,834 --> 02:05:25,501
He locked the door.

349
02:05:31,001 --> 02:05:32,918
And... I don't know...

350
02:05:50,334 --> 02:05:53,167
He pushed me so hard!

351
02:05:55,501 --> 02:05:59,417
Lifting me up, throwing me on the bed,

352
02:06:00,918 --> 02:06:07,083
But I screamed, before he closed my mouth.

353
02:06:15,167 --> 02:06:21,083
He had a knife, an 'Okapi'.
I think he still has it, because

354
02:06:22,918 --> 02:06:27,167
when I first knew he was
my father, he had that knife.

355
02:06:30,751 --> 02:06:34,000
He threatened me so much...!

356
02:06:39,000 --> 02:06:43,501
And... Yeah... He raped me, he slept with me.

357
02:06:44,584 --> 02:06:48,417
At that time I wasn't even menstruating.

358
02:06:52,751 --> 02:06:56,250
I was very young. I bled.

359
02:06:57,667 --> 02:07:00,501
And he threatened me not to tell anyone.

360
02:07:01,167 --> 02:07:05,667
If I told anyone, he would
kill me, and my mum.

361
02:07:06,083 --> 02:07:11,000
He even said I would never see
my young sister and brother again.

362
02:07:11,667 --> 02:07:14,834
If you are a kid, sometimes you just believe

363
02:07:16,250 --> 02:07:22,417
that he would kill me.
But I'd rather he killed me.

364
02:07:23,250 --> 02:07:29,167
But I thought maybe he was going to
kill my mum. I didn't tell anyone.

365
02:07:29,667 --> 02:07:33,001
I went back home. I didn't tell my mother.

366
02:07:34,001 --> 02:07:35,751
I just washed myself.

367
02:07:36,918 --> 02:07:39,667
My mother wasn't there. He was clubbing.

368
02:07:45,667 --> 02:07:47,834
About 3 months later...

369
02:07:56,667 --> 02:08:03,667
There was another cousin sister, who
passed away. My mother had a big sister.

370
02:08:07,250 --> 02:08:09,167
And... I don't know...

371
02:08:15,584 --> 02:08:18,667
I told my cousin about it.

372
02:08:21,417 --> 02:08:24,834
She told his mother,

373
02:08:31,751 --> 02:08:33,584
who told my...

374
02:08:36,334 --> 02:08:37,584
my mother.

375
02:08:41,751 --> 02:08:44,334
The next 3 months

376
02:08:47,001 --> 02:08:49,000
I was bleeding.

377
02:08:52,751 --> 02:08:59,584
I don't know what was really happening,
I was just bleeding week after week.

378
02:09:03,001 --> 02:09:07,334
It was continuing. For 3 months.
Not telling my mum.

379
02:09:08,167 --> 02:09:11,834
She thought maybe I was...

380
02:09:14,334 --> 02:09:18,334
She was suspecting other things, like

381
02:09:24,501 --> 02:09:27,834
"Maybe Tanya is sleeping
with boys". I don't know.

382
02:09:28,334 --> 02:09:33,417
She wasn't asking me.
But she was just telling me

383
02:09:34,918 --> 02:09:41,918
"Your grandpa wanted to rape me". Whenever
she was drunk she talked about it.

384
02:09:42,584 --> 02:09:48,417
But to tell her what had
happened to me... It was really hard.

385
02:09:49,334 --> 02:09:56,918
When my brother told her, that's when
we went to the police to report the case..

386
02:09:58,167 --> 02:10:04,667
My father wasn't there. We reported the case.
Then the following day my father came.

387
02:10:05,167 --> 02:10:08,751
He was arrested and he slept in the cells.

388
02:10:09,083 --> 02:10:16,083
The following day we went to see the doctor.
He blamed us for not reporting earlier.

389
02:10:16,584 --> 02:10:26,751
But they could see I had marks, because
I was a virgin when he slept with me.

390
02:10:27,001 --> 02:10:32,083
I had some wounds. I wasn't putting any
medication. Just washing and washing.

391
02:10:32,501 --> 02:10:36,083
And there were signs.

392
02:10:36,751 --> 02:10:40,334
They wrote everything down.

393
02:10:41,083 --> 02:10:45,334
We went back to the police and

394
02:10:47,751 --> 02:10:52,001
the police did nothing.
My father was released.

395
02:10:56,334 --> 02:11:01,584
My disadvantage was that
my parents were divorced.

396
02:11:03,918 --> 02:11:09,250
I don't know what they thought.
I don't know the law of Zimbabwe.

397
02:11:10,584 --> 02:11:16,250
He just went free. After about

398
02:11:19,918 --> 02:11:24,751
2 months, I just ran away from home.

399
02:11:25,667 --> 02:11:29,834
I went to stay in Harare.

400
02:11:30,501 --> 02:11:35,501
That's when I started having problems in
my stomach. I was vomiting green.

401
02:11:40,167 --> 02:11:43,417
I told them. I was on National Television.

402
02:11:43,918 --> 02:11:50,334
Though I didn't say my father's name,
I told them he was a police officer.

403
02:11:51,167 --> 02:11:56,167
When I met my auntie,
she knew it was me on TV,

404
02:11:56,667 --> 02:12:00,250
and she threatened me
not to say a word again.

405
02:12:01,417 --> 02:12:05,501
When I went to hospital I told them
what had happened to me.

406
02:12:05,918 --> 02:12:10,584
I just wanted justice to be done,
I wanted to tell every one,

407
02:12:11,334 --> 02:12:16,167
so that I could get over it. I was suffering.

408
02:12:17,834 --> 02:12:22,083
I don't know what they were treating me with.

409
02:12:26,501 --> 02:12:35,083
Because I spent two weeks
in the hospital, suffering.

410
02:12:36,834 --> 02:12:43,167
My mother had to come and
take me from the hospital

411
02:12:43,834 --> 02:12:46,584
and I went back home.

412
02:12:50,501 --> 02:12:54,334
But going back home was like
bringing again memories.

413
02:12:54,501 --> 02:12:58,501
I couldn't stand it.
I wasn't even happy with my friends.

414
02:13:00,918 --> 02:13:04,918
Even when somebody tried to
talk about child abuse

415
02:13:05,083 --> 02:13:09,000
I could feel that maybe they know,
they're talking about me.

416
02:13:09,751 --> 02:13:12,751
I was just lonely, even not
talking to my mother,

417
02:13:12,918 --> 02:13:16,001
she was just busy, drinking and clubbing.

418
02:13:16,334 --> 02:13:18,000
But me I was...

419
02:13:19,918 --> 02:13:22,918
very lonely, no friends, no what.

420
02:13:23,000 --> 02:13:28,584
I just wanted to be alone,
spending the whole day in my mum's home.

421
02:13:30,167 --> 02:13:32,834
That's when I bought...

422
02:13:33,417 --> 02:13:36,667
My mother had left me money to buy meat,

423
02:13:38,584 --> 02:13:42,751
and I decided to buy chloroquine, for malaria.

424
02:13:43,584 --> 02:13:47,501
I took 10 of them. I was very lucky,

425
02:13:48,083 --> 02:13:50,751
because when I was
feeling the pain, I went out

426
02:13:51,417 --> 02:13:56,334
and I told the landlady I had taken tablets.

427
02:13:57,667 --> 02:14:01,334
So she phoned the ambulance and
I was taken to the hospital.

428
02:14:01,417 --> 02:14:03,501
And I survived.

429
02:14:04,667 --> 02:14:06,250
Then I came back.

430
02:14:09,167 --> 02:14:12,834
Now it was news everywhere:
"Tanya wanted to kill herself."

431
02:14:13,083 --> 02:14:15,000
And people wanted to know why.

432
02:14:15,334 --> 02:14:18,834
And the people who knew
about it would be talking about it.

433
02:14:19,167 --> 02:14:24,083
I tried a second time, after a month,
but I didn't take too many.

434
02:14:24,751 --> 02:14:29,584
I just took about 6. But I was
lucky because I vomited

435
02:14:30,501 --> 02:14:32,751
before I even went to the hospital.

436
02:14:35,000 --> 02:14:38,001
Yeah. And then I stayed with my mum.

437
02:21:21,751 --> 02:21:25,751
Chiwoniso invites us
to spend Sunday in Westgate.

438
02:27:36,417 --> 02:27:42,334
Three months after the rape

439
02:27:45,417 --> 02:27:50,001
I discovered I was pregnant. That's why

440
02:27:50,918 --> 02:27:54,584
I had to tell my brother.

441
02:27:56,083 --> 02:27:59,834
Because I was scared.

442
02:28:06,334 --> 02:28:12,083
When we went to report it, my mother
told the police I was pregnant.

443
02:28:13,083 --> 02:28:17,417
We went to the hospital.
The pregnancy test was positive.

444
02:28:20,584 --> 02:28:25,501
When my mother realized the police
were doing nothing about it

445
02:28:25,918 --> 02:28:34,334
she started looking for
African medicines to remove the pregnancy.

446
02:28:35,918 --> 02:28:41,918
It tokk me 2 months to have an abortion.

447
02:28:42,417 --> 02:28:49,667
I was drinking it every day, early
in the morning, before taking anything.

448
02:28:50,751 --> 02:28:57,417
When I was 5 months pregnant,
that's when I had an abortion.

449
02:28:59,584 --> 02:29:05,501
At that time I was giving up, because she was
saying: "You just take it in the morning

450
02:29:05,834 --> 02:29:09,501
and in the evening it will be gone."

451
02:29:09,918 --> 02:29:17,667
I really wanted to die, because after 5 months
everybody could see I was pregnant.

452
02:29:23,417 --> 02:29:28,334
The week when I said I'd better die, I saw
blood when I was sleeping.

453
02:29:28,584 --> 02:29:35,167
My mum knew. She called an ambulance, I
went to the hospital and had an abortion.

454
02:29:35,751 --> 02:29:38,001
But I saw my baby.

455
02:29:39,417 --> 02:29:41,667
She was a girl.

456
02:29:45,667 --> 02:29:49,501
I think I'm glad I had an abortion, because...

457
02:29:52,001 --> 02:29:56,250
That baby... My father's baby... My baby...

458
02:29:58,834 --> 02:30:02,751
My sister... and my baby...

459
02:30:10,001 --> 02:30:16,667
I regret... It's not that
I didn't want to abort.

460
02:30:17,334 --> 02:30:20,584
But there's nothing I could do.
Even my mother.

461
02:30:20,834 --> 02:30:26,667
It was going to be something else.
Even in the city, or the rural areas.

462
02:30:28,584 --> 02:30:32,918
How was I going to tell that baby,

463
02:30:33,334 --> 02:30:37,667
when he, she, it was a she,

464
02:30:38,001 --> 02:30:40,667
asked where her father is

465
02:30:40,918 --> 02:30:46,083
and I'd show her her grandfather?

466
02:30:51,250 --> 02:30:54,000
What my father did to me...

467
02:30:59,667 --> 02:31:06,334
He made me not to trust nor believe any man.

468
02:31:10,001 --> 02:31:13,667
It took me a long time for me
to have a relationship.

469
02:31:19,417 --> 02:31:23,584
When a man tries to touch me

470
02:31:24,417 --> 02:31:27,667
that picture will come back to me.

471
02:31:28,083 --> 02:31:34,918
When they try to kiss me, or
make love to me, I fight.

472
02:31:37,584 --> 02:31:40,751
My other boyfriend was even surprised:

473
02:31:41,167 --> 02:31:43,751
"What's wrong with you? Are you possessed?"

474
02:31:49,167 --> 02:31:56,167
He ended up leaving me, talking about me:
"You can't even touch her, she's possessed."

475
02:31:57,834 --> 02:32:02,417
I went to an association to get help.

476
02:32:03,501 --> 02:32:06,834
They did counsel me, but...

477
02:32:09,250 --> 02:32:14,751
You think it's easy to counsel
someone who has been abused,

478
02:32:15,001 --> 02:32:19,834
but it will never come out of your mind.

479
02:32:20,417 --> 02:32:25,250
No matter how they try. Yeah, it helps,

480
02:32:25,584 --> 02:32:30,834
but you'll keep seeing the picture

481
02:32:31,584 --> 02:32:37,501
Because it's been done to you.
It was really difficult for me.

482
02:32:37,918 --> 02:32:44,334
Even now, though it's better... I can
have a relationship, but

483
02:32:44,918 --> 02:32:49,083
it would be just trying to make
my man happy. But for me...

484
02:32:49,667 --> 02:32:55,001
Sometimes it just comes back to me.
Sometimes I look at him

485
02:32:55,667 --> 02:33:01,001
and he ends up asking:
"Why do you look at me like that?"

486
02:33:01,334 --> 02:33:05,167
Because I'd be just checking, if I had
a relationship and kids with him,

487
02:33:05,584 --> 02:33:08,834
would that man sleep with my kids?

488
02:33:10,918 --> 02:33:16,083
I don't want to be married, to be honest.
I don't want to have kids.

489
02:33:16,501 --> 02:33:21,584
I don't want my children to suffer
the way I suffered.

490
02:33:22,001 --> 02:33:24,334
I don't want my child to be raped.

491
02:33:25,001 --> 02:33:30,334
How can a father fall in love
with his own daughter?

492
02:33:35,918 --> 02:33:41,001
It's something else.
I just can't believe it, even now.

493
02:33:47,250 --> 02:33:52,417
How can the father of your husband try
to rape you, the daughter-in-law?

494
02:33:53,083 --> 02:33:55,918
What kind of family is that?

495
02:33:56,167 --> 02:33:59,167
The sister sleeping with the brother.

496
02:34:00,083 --> 02:34:03,417
It's just something else.

497
02:34:05,834 --> 02:34:09,334
I don't want to be married. If I want kids

498
02:34:10,001 --> 02:34:14,501
there are so many kids in the world,
so many street kids.

499
02:34:18,584 --> 02:34:23,834
I'll just take them, stay
with them, no husband.

500
02:34:25,667 --> 02:34:28,501
It's not just that I don't want it
to happen to my kids only,

501
02:34:29,001 --> 02:34:33,083
I don't want it to happen to
any child in this world.

502
02:34:36,167 --> 02:34:40,001
I wish I could do something
to protect every child.

503
02:40:50,167 --> 02:40:54,417
I'm not afraid of animals

504
02:40:55,167 --> 02:40:58,083
but I'm afraid of human beings.

505
02:40:58,334 --> 02:41:00,667
If I see a man coming from one side

506
02:41:00,834 --> 02:41:02,250
and a snake coming from the other,

507
02:41:02,417 --> 02:41:04,167
I'll go towards the snake,

508
02:41:05,083 --> 02:41:07,584
because a man is more
dangerous than a snake.

509
02:41:34,083 --> 02:41:35,334
Now...

510
02:41:37,584 --> 02:41:40,667
I have no one to talk to.

511
02:41:48,334 --> 02:41:51,334
I feel so lonely! I wish...

512
02:41:52,250 --> 02:41:56,751
I don't know why she had to die
before my father died,

513
02:42:00,167 --> 02:42:04,918
before my grandpa, before the
whole family of Todini.

514
02:42:06,417 --> 02:42:08,584
I just want...

515
02:42:11,001 --> 02:42:14,501
I don't know... Because...

516
02:42:17,584 --> 02:42:21,417
I wish she could comfort me.
She had stopped drinking beer.

517
02:42:22,083 --> 02:42:24,834
She was there for me every time.

518
02:42:25,751 --> 02:42:29,918
But now, when I was starting
to know my mother better...

519
02:42:35,834 --> 02:42:40,501
What am I gonna do?
We can't go back to my father.

520
02:42:41,083 --> 02:42:45,001
Because he wanted to do the
same again to my sister.

521
02:42:45,167 --> 02:42:48,334
He wanted to rape her. She had to run away

522
02:42:48,584 --> 02:42:52,083
and come back and stay
with me and my mother.

523
02:42:52,584 --> 02:42:56,167
Now only my brother is staying with him.

524
02:42:57,001 --> 02:43:00,501
It's only me and my young sister.

525
02:43:03,501 --> 02:43:09,501
I don't know why he'd got to do this to us.

526
02:43:10,001 --> 02:43:13,334
At least if my mother was around...

527
02:43:15,083 --> 02:43:19,751
Now, I'm not happy.

528
02:43:27,334 --> 02:43:32,083
She went away with my happiness. She took

529
02:43:35,334 --> 02:43:37,083
everything.

530
02:43:38,501 --> 02:43:42,417
I loved her so much. She was

531
02:43:43,417 --> 02:43:46,751
our only relative.

532
02:43:48,083 --> 02:43:49,751
Now...

533
02:43:53,001 --> 02:43:55,083
it's just the two of us.

534
02:43:56,751 --> 02:43:59,918
I can't count my brother, because
he's staying with his father.

535
02:44:00,334 --> 02:44:04,751
He doesn't even come here.
It's been two years without seeing him.

536
02:44:07,834 --> 02:44:11,834
We are so lonely, but still...

537
02:44:14,417 --> 02:44:18,167
I wish I could ask god why

538
02:44:19,250 --> 02:44:26,083
he had to take my mother instead of
killing the whole family of Todini,

539
02:44:27,334 --> 02:44:30,667
leaving my mother. She suffered so much.

540
02:44:31,417 --> 02:44:36,667
They beat her up. They wanted to kill her,
they wanted to put her in the well.

541
02:44:37,001 --> 02:44:41,167
They did so many bad things to her...

542
02:44:42,751 --> 02:44:44,584
and to us.

543
02:44:46,001 --> 02:44:49,751
At least, if she was around,
it was going to be the three of us.

544
02:44:50,334 --> 02:44:59,001
She was now a caring mother:
no beer, just to be with us.

545
02:45:07,334 --> 02:45:10,918
Sometimes I feel that

546
02:45:14,083 --> 02:45:16,834
it's the end of the world.

547
02:45:19,083 --> 02:45:23,250
Sometimes I feel that I have to die also.

548
02:45:23,751 --> 02:45:26,751
But then my young sister

549
02:45:29,250 --> 02:45:34,250
should be alone. At least it's just
the two of us; we'll be helping each other.

550
02:45:36,334 --> 02:45:43,334
But now that family is really happy.

551
02:45:47,250 --> 02:45:54,001
I don't know how I'm gonna do it,
nor who's gonna help me.

552
02:45:54,834 --> 02:45:58,834
It's gonna be me and my sister.
I'll make sure that

553
02:45:59,083 --> 02:46:05,501
I'll do something, I'll revenge.
I don't know how,

554
02:46:06,167 --> 02:46:12,250
but I'll make sure they pay for
what they did to our mother and to us.

555
02:46:12,834 --> 02:46:16,250
If the law can't do anything about it,

556
02:46:17,001 --> 02:46:19,083
for real, I'll kill them.

557
02:46:19,417 --> 02:46:24,417
I'll put poison in their food, I'll do
something. I don't care about

558
02:46:25,334 --> 02:46:30,001
going to prison. I just want

559
02:46:30,918 --> 02:46:33,001
to kill them.

560
02:46:33,918 --> 02:46:36,584
I want them to die.

561
02:46:37,417 --> 02:46:43,751
I just want to make sure there's no
Todini left. They mustn't survive,

562
02:46:45,167 --> 02:46:49,001
because what they did to me,
they can do it to anyone.

563
02:46:52,083 --> 02:46:55,834
My father is married now;
he's got 2 daughters,

564
02:46:56,167 --> 02:46:58,918
one is 5 and the other one is 3 years old.

565
02:46:59,167 --> 02:47:03,918
He can do the same thing to those kids.
I want to protect them.

566
02:47:04,334 --> 02:47:09,167
I want him to die. I wish I could kill
him and be sent to prison.

567
02:47:11,918 --> 02:47:16,751
I want the whole family to die, my grandpa,
my aunties, my uncles, everyone.

568
02:47:17,417 --> 02:47:20,001
I want them to die.

569
02:47:22,751 --> 02:47:29,250
Because there's no reason for them to live.
They don't deserve to be in this world.

570
02:50:29,918 --> 02:50:34,001
Don't you ever walk alone in the bush,

571
02:50:34,250 --> 02:50:38,001
you'd be eaten by a lion.

572
02:50:38,250 --> 02:50:40,584
I say the lion will eat you,

573
02:50:40,918 --> 02:50:42,918
my child.

574
02:50:43,167 --> 02:50:46,167
Aye, aye, aye!

575
02:50:46,918 --> 02:50:50,751
Aye, aye, aye!

576
02:53:10,501 --> 02:53:14,501
Time for a last drink at the Chelsea.

577
03:00:45,834 --> 03:00:47,751
Life,

578
03:00:48,751 --> 03:00:50,918
what is life?

579
03:00:51,751 --> 03:00:53,751
What is life?

580
03:00:54,751 --> 03:00:57,167
Have you ever gone to bed
with an empty stomach?

581
03:00:58,334 --> 03:01:01,334
Have you ever been cold
with nothing to warm you up?

582
03:01:02,584 --> 03:01:05,167
Have you ever grown up
not knowing your parents?

583
03:01:06,417 --> 03:01:09,000
Have you ever lived on the streets?

584
03:01:10,250 --> 03:01:12,667
Have you ever been raped?

585
03:01:13,667 --> 03:01:15,000
Life,

586
03:01:15,334 --> 03:01:17,918
what is life?

587
03:01:18,501 --> 03:01:20,584
What is life?

588
03:01:21,417 --> 03:01:24,501
Have you ever become crippled?

589
03:01:25,417 --> 03:01:28,417
Have you ever been homeless?

590
03:01:29,000 --> 03:01:31,834
Have you ever been arrested
for not reason at all?

591
03:01:33,167 --> 03:01:35,751
Have you ever felt lonely,
with no one to talk to?

592
03:01:36,834 --> 03:01:38,918
Have you ever felt the pain

593
03:01:39,334 --> 03:01:42,083
of the flesh and the pain of the soul?

594
03:01:42,501 --> 03:01:44,250
Life,

595
03:01:44,584 --> 03:01:47,001
what is life?