Scenes of city life.
Hello, my name is Tanyaradzwa.
I was born in Masvingo. I'm 23 years old.
Mbuya ["grandma"] Nehanda,
Nehanda was a spiritual medium.
She knew there were people "without knees" coming
before the whites came.
She even told the people
that there were white people coming.
In Shona they call them "vasina mabvi" ("without knees").
But she told them not to harm them.
When the white people arrived
the blacks fought with them and took them to Nehanda.
But she said: "Let them free until we know what they are up to
and the reason why they came here."
But as time went by, the whites started abusing the blacks,
taking their cattle, goods, everything;
taking the fertile lands and giving the black sandy soil.
So the people were not happy with the situation,
not less Nehanda.
The whites knew the black people had power.
They knew we could fight a spiritual war.
We had the power to talk to God.
They knew the only way for them to conquer us
was by killing Nehanda and Kaguvi.
If Nehanda didn't want them to kill her
they wouldn't be able to kill her.
But she said that her spirit would rise again.
She said: "They can kill me now, but my spirit shall rise again."
They took Sekuru Kaguvi and Mbuya Nehanda
and hanged them.
The tree where they hanged them is here in Harare,
but I don't know whether that is the real tree.
People don't care about the tree anymore
although we talk about Nehanda and Kaguvi all the time.
People know these are our spiritual mediums that protect us.
They just say: "This is the tree", but do nothing about it.
They don't look after it.
The whites took Nehanda's and Kaguvi's heads
and sent them to Britain.
The whites were doing the same in other parts of Africa.
Whenever they met a spiritual leader,
they would kill them and remove their heads.
What I know is that Nehanda is still alive
because the flesh dies but the spirit will live forever.
This woman was very strong.
If she didn't have the power
she wouldn't have known the whites were coming.
As she said, I know that her spirit will rise again, somewhere,
in another person.
I know she's looking after us right now.
We'll always remember her, she's our spiritual leader.
And also Sekuru Kaguvi. That's why we talk about them all the time,
and we learn about them,
and we teach the young about them.
They are the spiritual mediums that protect our country, Zimbabwe.
Knowing yourself, trusting yourself, to know who you are,
can make you be what you wanna be,
because you won't be running away from yourself, you won't be denying yourself.
Me, I can be whatever I wanna be.
I can be wherever I wanna be.
Anything that I wanna be.
So if I can be wherever I wanna be and whatever I wanna be,
what can stop you?
I don't get education, but I've got inspiration.
I know the pain of the flesh
and I know the pain of the soul.
The police are coming to us.
It's not easy to live on the streets,
because you face many many things.
Waking up in the morning
not even knowing what to eat
or where to go to look for money, just to beg.
It would be more painful if you've got parents,
that though they're alive, they don't even care for you.
For me life on the street was really hard.
The first time I came to Harare
I didn't know where to go, where to start.
The moment when you start looking for a place to stay, in the evening,
every street kid would be having his or her own base where to sleep.
I didn't have any place to stay.
I remember my first day in Harare.
It was around 12 at night, I was so hungry,
not even knowing where to sleep.
There were some cardboards in a corner. I covered myself with them and slept.
Around 2 it was just a kick: "You, wake up, what are you doing in my base?"
I started crying. I was surrounded by street kids,
dirty, smelling of glue and beer.
Being a girl, I was so scared they would rape me or do something
or maybe take my clothes.
I woke up, started crying and explained to them I had nowhere to go
and that I just wanted to be with them.
Some first understood, some didn't.
They allowed me to sleep there together.
In the morning they told me: "Are you prepared to be on the street?"
Because I had better clothes than them.
I was looking good, and they were so surprised.
"A girl like you coming to live on the street?"
I told them all my problems, then they understood.
Then we went together, every morning, to beg.
I never stole. My other friends were stealing,
taking cell phones, handbags, beating people, especially at night, but not me.
After 3 days there was another girl. It was now 2 girls and about 6 boys.
We were helping each other, because for me to look for money at that time
wasn't easy because I wasn'nt used to do it I didn't know how to do it.
I was even shy to beg for money, to be on the street.
So they would come with food, even food from the bin,
eating dirty food, rotten food...
But I never felt sick, never felt ill.
I stayed with them for about 6 months.
Because of the love of music and arts, I was always singing, even in the street.
Then I met these other guys, older than me, that were staying in the street, also.
They told me about a place called Book Café:
"There would be entertainment there, we can go one day to see what's going on there."
I told them I didn't have a place to stay,
and they took me to their base. It was not a house. It's called Harare Gardens.
That's where people used to sell their art before the "Clean Up Campaign",
and now it's only for theatre or big exhibitions like HIFA.
We went to Book Café, one evening. It was my first time.
Chiwoniso was playing mbira. I fell in love with the music.
Then at night we went to Harare Gardens. To get inside the gate you need to pay,
but only a little amount, because the security guards were understanding.
You pay the money just for getting inside. There's a fence.
Then you have to pay another money to get inside where people do the theatre.
There's only the tent on top. On the sides there's nothing. Only the shelter.
So you sleep there, on the benches, the whole night. Mosquitoes. Cold.
The guards would wake us up early, around 5 in the morning,
so that no one would see that we slept there.
After waking up, we'd look for the sun
and we'd wash in a public toilet, there.
We'd look for soap to wash our clothes
and we'd find a place where to dry them, but a place which cannot be seen, because
they wouldn't allow us to use the water. They wanted us to pay for it, though it was public.
They said it was only to wash your hands, not your clothes.
So we'd find a place to hang them so they would get dry.
Then we'd spend the whole day together, some of them drinking.
Me, I was just thinking of music and my arts, because I could crochet.
I could make dresses, hats...
I told one of the elder guys that I wish I could find a little money so
I could make things to sell.
Because in this life you end up going into the clubs.
You know: We went to the Book Café and some other guys talked to my friends:
"I like this girl, how much shall I give her?"
For me it was difficult. The other guys really wanted me to do it:
"You use condoms. There's nothing to worry about."
"It's about getting money. Things are very difficult."
"If he sleeps with you, he may love you and marry you..."
At that time I was so scared of men. I didn't want to be involved in a relationship.
I managed to find the money to start crocheting.
The first day I made about 3 hats, and sold them. I was so happy.
I managed to find more material
and I kept doing and doing until my money was stolen.
So we started again hustling.
The other kids are out there, not knowing their father nor their mother.
But they are still living. What matters is life.
Jah has got his own reasons why I'm here.
I don't live for my parents, I don't live for anybody: I live for myself.
So I've got to find my own destiny.
You know what life in the street is like .
Drinking, smoking, taking "histalux" and glue...
And clubbing. Because they won't allow us to go to other places.
They won't allow us to go with no money.
That day we were all drunk and went to this club called Tube,
full of shit, they can fuck there... Just another place.
I was with my friends, 4 guys and 3 girls.
We were enjoying ourselves, when other guys came, big guys, older than us.
They wanted ME. Because I used to wear short things, shorts and a top.
I was looking good. He wanted me.
My friends said: "No. We are not bitches, we just came here to enjoy ourselves.
We are from the streets. We don't even have a place to stay."
—"You can come to our place. I'm going to have you." —"No, you can't."
There was a fight. He broke the bottle of beer he was drinking
and cut my friend, who was trying to protect me. He said he was going to give me
scars for life, for refusing to go with him.
In the fight he cut my friend here.
I was trying to defend myself. I just couldn't let him do whatever he wanted with me.
That's when he cut me here,
there and there.
Just defending myself. Because he was moving the glass...
These are real deep cuts.
I think the deepest of them is this one.
If you can see it, even the flesh on top is different from the others'.
It was very deep. I could put my finger inside.
It was really painful.
But there's nothing I can change. I've got scars and I love them.
As for now I don't even have an ID; People can identify me from my scars.
If I die on the street, my friends can identify my scars.
So, that's my identity.
The first time my father called me
I was 11 years old.
My mother was in South Africa at that time.
He was sleeping in the bedroom. then he called me in the morning,
around 8.
And he said: "There's something on my back. Can you check it? I can't see it."
Just because my father was a loving and caring father,
and he showed us love, and when my mother wasn't around he looked after us,
I thought: "Let's see what's happening."
My young sister and my young brother entered the bedroom,
and my father shouted at them: "Go out! Can't I talk to your sister
without you people around? Go out and play."
They went out. They didn't know what was going to happen.
I tried to check. I told him there's nothing dirty.
He said: "There is. Put your hand", and he touched my hand and put it there.
Then he was touching me. Then I removed my hand and went out.
He followed me. He apologized. He said: "I'm sorry.
And don't tell anyone about this. It's only that I'm drunk.
Promise me you won't tell anyone". I said: "I won't".
Then we spent about 2 hours together, we had breakfast together;
he went to work, and I went to see my mother's best friend.
Then I told her, but I told her not to tell anyone.
When my mother came, I told her.
But the day I went to tell my mother's friend, my father just left money
and he went off 4 days. He came when my mother was coming back from South Africa.
He came evening, and my mother arrived afternoon.
I told her, and she waited for him.
He asked him. First he refused.
The she said: "I'm going to the police.
Our child is only 11, and she could not lie."
My mother was crying: "How could you do such a thing to your own daughter?"
Then my father apologized. He said: "I won't do it again.
I don't know what happened." Then my mother went to talk to
his father, my grandpa. He didn't want to hear about it. He didn't even want to see her.
And the reason is because he wanted to sleep with my mother.
It was in the rural area. My auntie had told my mum:
"You have to go to the fields. (I was around 4). Go and get some pumpkin leaves"
My mum, just because she was an in-law, couldn't refuse. She went there.
And my aunt... I've got another name. It's my aunt's name, an English name, "Ellen".
I don't use it, though. I don't like it.
My aunt also went to the field, but my grandpa didn't know it.
My mother told me: My grandpa wanted to rape my mum, but she ran away.
But my aunt saw everything. When my mum went home
she didn't tell anyone. But my aunt asked her: "What was he trying to do to you?"
That same night, my grandpa chased my mum away, with nothing, only with us.
My mother went to where my father was working. But there was nothing he could do.
That's why he hated my mum so much.
I was young, but I remember that my grandpa told my father,
in front of me: "You don't deserve being with this woman."
Because he wanted her, also.
When my father got another woman, a bitch, she was fat,
my grandpa slept with that woman,
and they've got a baby together. But she was my father's woman.
So my mum had to suffer just because she didn't want to sleep with him.
And also my mother told me that my aunt and uncle slept together.
It's just a family thing.
My mum was the first daughter-in-law, because my father is the first born.
She saw a lot of things. That's the reason why,
when my father left, she never went back.
"Better staying alone. Those people could kill me, or end up sleeping with my daughters."
That's what she said.
So my grandpa didn't want to hear my mother when she was telling him
about my father trying to caress me.
After about a year
my father just packed his things.
He took clothes and a radio.
It was better for us. I was really good at school,
I was one of the best.
But seeing your parents fighting every day, in the street...
Now we were staying in the "ghetto", no longer in the camp.
They even told my father he couldn't be in the camp because
he was always fighting with the wife. So they put him outside.
But in the "ghetto"..., you know life in the "ghetto".
It wasn't good. Every day there would be crying and screaming.
It wasn't nice. It even affected my education. I didn't want to go to school any more
'cause every one would be talking about me: "Her parents are always fighting".
"And the father is a police officer. How can he do this."
I ended up not wanting to go to school. It was affecting my work at school.
So my father left us. My mother couldn't afford to pay the rent.
So she looked for a place to stay.
Before that, the evening that my father left, he came and took us
to his parents' house. My grandpa said:
"You have to choose who you want to stay with.
If you want to stay with your mother, you go with her.
If you want to stay with your father, you stay here."
But you know, every child will always say "with mama".
You want to be with your mother, no matter what.
So we all chose to be with our mother.
Ah, I'll never forget that night, the way we were treated: thrown out.
My grandpa took a spear. He wanted to kill us.
"How could you choose to go with a witch, with a prostitute?"
But we were young: I was 12 and my brother and sister were 10.
And we knew what happened at home: every time my dad was drunk, he beat up my mum.
Every time he was drunk or found another woman, there'd be no peace.
We knew about it. So we wanted to be with our mother, though she wasn't working.
We were thrown out. My grandpa brought the spear: "Though they are my son's children, I'll kill 'em.
How could they choose to be with this woman?"
Then he beat my mother up, in front of me.
Touching her, pressing her breasts. I thought she was going to die.
We screamed and cried. Even our uncles beat us up
so that we wouldn't cry.
The neighbours heard it and called the police.
The police came and they paid a fine.
But as my father was also a police officer... There's no justice.
And we went back home.
And the following day my mum was looking for a place to stay.
She found a room, and there we went together.
It was really hard. My mother wasn't working.
For her to pay food, clothes, fees and everything was really very hard.
She started going clubbing. Ah, it was something else.
I could understand it, but for my brother and sister it was something else.
My mother said: "I can't take care of you any more.
You have to go back and tell your father you don't want to stay with mama any more."
Me, I didn't want. I refused. I told her I wouldn't go there.
We decide to visit the Todinis.
It's so surprising.
Those people didn't even say sorry about my mother.
They're so... Ah, pretending they love me, but we haven't seen each other for more than...
I don't know... I love them, but... I didn't like their welcoming.
It was nice, but... I wasn't expecting that.
I wasn't expecting to be loved so quickly.
It left me suspicious.
And them...
They'd be around, but not
being there for you.
No communication, no what.
I knocked on the door, they hugged me and kissed me
and treated me as if I am a queen. No,
I don't want to be treated that way.
I don't like people who pretend.
Me, I talk conscious. I give thanks to Jah because I can read people's minds.
I look at people, I stare at people,
because man is very dangerous.
You have to know the person.
You have to know how to read his or her mind.
We want to eat but there's no electricity.
No water, no electricity. Zimbabwe life.
Patience has just broken her engagement.
Hello, my name's Tanya
and I was born in Masvingo
23 years ago.
I love you.
This other day he came. My mother was going clubbing,
just trying to survive. I don't blame her.
When my father came with my mother,
he told me I had to come the following day. He wanted to buy me clothes.
I was surprised. He also wanted to give me money to buy food.
I woke up early in the morning. Before going I phoned him: "Dad, I'm coming".
He said: "Now you can't come. You have to come later." And another thing:
"Handina mwana anobvongonzwa nevamwe varume ndisipo!"
It's like: "I can't let other men touch you, or sleep with you, whilst I'm around."
First I couldn't understand it. I was young and it's deep Shona.
I didn't even tell my mum. Then I went back home.
I phoned again, around 4. He said: "Now you can come."
When I went there, he ordered food for me. I ate my supper.
Then, around 6, he called me inside, pretending to count some money.
I was sitting on a chair. He said: "I bought this perfume for you. Do you like it?"
He wanted to spray me, and he touched me here.
"I'll just use it at home."
He locked the door.
And... I don't know...
He pushed me so hard!
Lifting me up, throwing me on the bed,
But I screamed, before he closed my mouth.
He had a knife, an 'Okapi'. I think he still has it, because
when I first knew he was my father, he had that knife.
He threatened me so much...!
And... Yeah... He raped me, he slept with me.
At that time I wasn't even menstruating.
I was very young. I bled.
And he threatened me not to tell anyone.
If I told anyone, he would kill me, and my mum.
He even said I would never see my young sister and brother again.
If you are a kid, sometimes you just believe
that he would kill me. But I'd rather he killed me.
But I thought maybe he was going to kill my mum. I didn't tell anyone.
I went back home. I didn't tell my mother.
I just washed myself.
My mother wasn't there. He was clubbing.
About 3 months later...
There was another cousin sister, who passed away. My mother had a big sister.
And... I don't know...
I told my cousin about it.
She told his mother,
who told my...
my mother.
The next 3 months
I was bleeding.
I don't know what was really happening, I was just bleeding week after week.
It was continuing. For 3 months. Not telling my mum.
She thought maybe I was...
She was suspecting other things, like
"Maybe Tanya is sleeping with boys". I don't know.
She wasn't asking me. But she was just telling me
"Your grandpa wanted to rape me". Whenever she was drunk she talked about it.
But to tell her what had happened to me... It was really hard.
When my brother told her, that's when we went to the police to report the case..
My father wasn't there. We reported the case. Then the following day my father came.
He was arrested and he slept in the cells.
The following day we went to see the doctor. He blamed us for not reporting earlier.
But they could see I had marks, because I was a virgin when he slept with me.
I had some wounds. I wasn't putting any medication. Just washing and washing.
And there were signs.
They wrote everything down.
We went back to the police and
the police did nothing. My father was released.
My disadvantage was that my parents were divorced.
I don't know what they thought. I don't know the law of Zimbabwe.
He just went free. After about
2 months, I just ran away from home.
I went to stay in Harare.
That's when I started having problems in my stomach. I was vomiting green.
I told them. I was on National Television.
Though I didn't say my father's name, I told them he was a police officer.
When I met my auntie, she knew it was me on TV,
and she threatened me not to say a word again.
When I went to hospital I told them what had happened to me.
I just wanted justice to be done, I wanted to tell every one,
so that I could get over it. I was suffering.
I don't know what they were treating me with.
Because I spent two weeks in the hospital, suffering.
My mother had to come and take me from the hospital
and I went back home.
But going back home was like bringing again memories.
I couldn't stand it. I wasn't even happy with my friends.
Even when somebody tried to talk about child abuse
I could feel that maybe they know, they're talking about me.
I was just lonely, even not talking to my mother,
she was just busy, drinking and clubbing.
But me I was...
very lonely, no friends, no what.
I just wanted to be alone, spending the whole day in my mum's home.
That's when I bought...
My mother had left me money to buy meat,
and I decided to buy chloroquine, for malaria.
I took 10 of them. I was very lucky,
because when I was feeling the pain, I went out
and I told the landlady I had taken tablets.
So she phoned the ambulance and I was taken to the hospital.
And I survived.
Then I came back.
Now it was news everywhere: "Tanya wanted to kill herself."
And people wanted to know why.
And the people who knew about it would be talking about it.
I tried a second time, after a month, but I didn't take too many.
I just took about 6. But I was lucky because I vomited
before I even went to the hospital.
Yeah. And then I stayed with my mum.
Chiwoniso invites us to spend Sunday in Westgate.
Three months after the rape
I discovered I was pregnant. That's why
I had to tell my brother.
Because I was scared.
When we went to report it, my mother told the police I was pregnant.
We went to the hospital. The pregnancy test was positive.
When my mother realized the police were doing nothing about it
she started looking for African medicines to remove the pregnancy.
It tokk me 2 months to have an abortion.
I was drinking it every day, early in the morning, before taking anything.
When I was 5 months pregnant, that's when I had an abortion.
At that time I was giving up, because she was saying: "You just take it in the morning
and in the evening it will be gone."
I really wanted to die, because after 5 months everybody could see I was pregnant.
The week when I said I'd better die, I saw blood when I was sleeping.
My mum knew. She called an ambulance, I went to the hospital and had an abortion.
But I saw my baby.
She was a girl.
I think I'm glad I had an abortion, because...
That baby... My father's baby... My baby...
My sister... and my baby...
I regret... It's not that I didn't want to abort.
But there's nothing I could do. Even my mother.
It was going to be something else. Even in the city, or the rural areas.
How was I going to tell that baby,
when he, she, it was a she,
asked where her father is
and I'd show her her grandfather?
What my father did to me...
He made me not to trust nor believe any man.
It took me a long time for me to have a relationship.
When a man tries to touch me
that picture will come back to me.
When they try to kiss me, or make love to me, I fight.
My other boyfriend was even surprised:
"What's wrong with you? Are you possessed?"
He ended up leaving me, talking about me: "You can't even touch her, she's possessed."
I went to an association to get help.
They did counsel me, but...
You think it's easy to counsel someone who has been abused,
but it will never come out of your mind.
No matter how they try. Yeah, it helps,
but you'll keep seeing the picture
Because it's been done to you. It was really difficult for me.
Even now, though it's better... I can have a relationship, but
it would be just trying to make my man happy. But for me...
Sometimes it just comes back to me. Sometimes I look at him
and he ends up asking: "Why do you look at me like that?"
Because I'd be just checking, if I had a relationship and kids with him,
would that man sleep with my kids?
I don't want to be married, to be honest. I don't want to have kids.
I don't want my children to suffer the way I suffered.
I don't want my child to be raped.
How can a father fall in love with his own daughter?
It's something else. I just can't believe it, even now.
How can the father of your husband try to rape you, the daughter-in-law?
What kind of family is that?
The sister sleeping with the brother.
It's just something else.
I don't want to be married. If I want kids
there are so many kids in the world, so many street kids.
I'll just take them, stay with them, no husband.
It's not just that I don't want it to happen to my kids only,
I don't want it to happen to any child in this world.
I wish I could do something to protect every child.
I'm not afraid of animals
but I'm afraid of human beings.
If I see a man coming from one side
and a snake coming from the other,
I'll go towards the snake,
because a man is more dangerous than a snake.
Now...
I have no one to talk to.
I feel so lonely! I wish...
I don't know why she had to die before my father died,
before my grandpa, before the whole family of Todini.
I just want...
I don't know... Because...
I wish she could comfort me. She had stopped drinking beer.
She was there for me every time.
But now, when I was starting to know my mother better...
What am I gonna do? We can't go back to my father.
Because he wanted to do the same again to my sister.
He wanted to rape her. She had to run away
and come back and stay with me and my mother.
Now only my brother is staying with him.
It's only me and my young sister.
I don't know why he'd got to do this to us.
At least if my mother was around...
Now, I'm not happy.
She went away with my happiness. She took
everything.
I loved her so much. She was
our only relative.
Now...
it's just the two of us.
I can't count my brother, because he's staying with his father.
He doesn't even come here. It's been two years without seeing him.
We are so lonely, but still...
I wish I could ask god why
he had to take my mother instead of killing the whole family of Todini,
leaving my mother. She suffered so much.
They beat her up. They wanted to kill her, they wanted to put her in the well.
They did so many bad things to her...
and to us.
At least, if she was around, it was going to be the three of us.
She was now a caring mother: no beer, just to be with us.
Sometimes I feel that
it's the end of the world.
Sometimes I feel that I have to die also.
But then my young sister
should be alone. At least it's just the two of us; we'll be helping each other.
But now that family is really happy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do it, nor who's gonna help me.
It's gonna be me and my sister. I'll make sure that
I'll do something, I'll revenge. I don't know how,
but I'll make sure they pay for what they did to our mother and to us.
If the law can't do anything about it,
for real, I'll kill them.
I'll put poison in their food, I'll do something. I don't care about
going to prison. I just want
to kill them.
I want them to die.
I just want to make sure there's no Todini left. They mustn't survive,
because what they did to me, they can do it to anyone.
My father is married now; he's got 2 daughters,
one is 5 and the other one is 3 years old.
He can do the same thing to those kids. I want to protect them.
I want him to die. I wish I could kill him and be sent to prison.
I want the whole family to die, my grandpa, my aunties, my uncles, everyone.
I want them to die.
Because there's no reason for them to live. They don't deserve to be in this world.
Don't you ever walk alone in the bush,
you'd be eaten by a lion.
I say the lion will eat you,
my child.
Aye, aye, aye!
Time for a last drink at the Chelsea.
Life,
what is life?
What is life?
Have you ever gone to bed with an empty stomach?
Have you ever been cold with nothing to warm you up?
Have you ever grown up not knowing your parents?
Have you ever lived on the streets?
Have you ever been raped?
Life,
what is life?
What is life?
Have you ever become crippled?
Have you ever been homeless?
Have you ever been arrested for not reason at all?
Have you ever felt lonely, with no one to talk to?
Have you ever felt the pain
of the flesh and the pain of the soul?
Life,
what is life?